Donkey Kong World

Resolving Situational Conflicts

2009-12-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

It frustrates me to see ads where situational conflicts are seemingly resolved by new technology. There is an ad for ATT "Uverse" which allows you to record four (!) shows at once. The family in the ad is freaking out because dad wants to watch the game and other shows are already recording.(side note - all the people playing the family are awesome. esp. the girl. her eyes! eeeee!)
Anyway - the ad ends with the family all pointing remotes at each other wildwest shootout stalemate style with the voiceover saying - "relax guys, with att uverse you can now record up to four shows at once."

that's all well and good mr. voiceover, but what about this family? how is their situation resolved?!? Does dad get to watch the game? What about Billy's show? Do they just stand there pointing remotes at each other until the cable guy shows up between 10am and 4pm three thursdays from today? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!? whatever happens - I know one thing..whatever the hell that pony show is..anytime I come across it I am NOT changing the channel.

Douche-ability

2009-01-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Not only do these jackasses invent a word (although they do admit to it - in fact that is the point of the ad) but they also invent a total dbag protagonist to explain it.
This guy has this amazing super-power - he can draw on thin air - making him 10 times better than Mr. Proffesional Mullet McDoucheBag from the UPS ads who only has the ability to make white board drawings come to life. So this guy has this superpower and what does he use it for? To define drinkability? To draw bunny ears on his friends as they hit on cute girls? what a douchebag.

don't be sting-aaay

2009-01-05T09:30:00.000-08:00

look I'm the first to say that mcdonald's is kinda gross. It's not like I'm a fast-food burger snob and I prefer whopper's or anything like that. I think they're all kinda gross. except for the #8 meal at wendy's. mmmm spicy chicken.
anyway - I love this new ad. only because I feel it really captures the essence of most r&b songs. and mostly, mostly, because of the very last line. it slays me, every time.
great pay-off.

2009-01-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

we interrupt our regular programming for a cartoon mashup that I promise you is hilarious if you are from chicago.

Please note: All artwork was stolen from teh internetz and mashed up to create this.

2008-12-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

Hey! New rule!
You can't invent something and then immediately:
1) dub it "Famous" - as in "Subway's 'Famous' Five-Dollar Footlong". Six months ago we didn't even know such a thing existed, because it didn't. I don't care how catchy your stupid jingle is.
2) up the ante on said made up word/event - as in "Toyotathon of Toyotathons"... what?!? No!

I was there when...

2008-11-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

Obama Rally - 11/04/2008

In line..headed toward metal detectors..

If you squint you can see the podium....

U-S-A! U-S-A!

You know who didn't have any trouble seeing stuff? That guy.

Victory!!

Rawberry

2008-06-26T08:08:00.002-07:00

This ad is great for so many reasons.
1) Lebron plays great defense on the court. Defense. Court. He's a Defense Attorney in court. love it.
2) Damn, that man looks good in a suit.
3) He shoots the crumpled paper into the trash can. swish.
4) The flawless transition from lawyer-speak to "dude's fakin' it".
5) The random ramblings at the end "VitaminsElectorlytesNosodium" reminds of Powerthirst. raaawr!

love. it. all.

V is F and W is V

2008-06-25T09:11:00.001-07:00

So these new Volkswagen commercials are something. They seemed to be based on the premace that a german accent somehow makes things funnier. This, by the way, is a false premace. You know what accent makes everything funnier? - New Zealandish.

The only good thing about these ads is the drummer. She's allegedly Cindy Blackman. Apparently drummers know who she is. maybe she's the next Neal Peart. but hotter.

The Bob Knight version is weird becuase Bob Knight doesn't actually know how to laugh at himself. The astronaut version is sad, because the only way you know that he is an astronaut is becuase he is dressed like one. No one else is asked to dress according to what they do outside of vw commercials- it's not like the Hoff showed up drunkenly eating a burger. The Heidi Klum version -- well, it has Heidi Klum in it. too. much. german.

This is my favorite comment from youtube: "this commershal makes me want to kill my self in the most horrable way " (sic)

Sprite - Concrete burn

2008-06-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

So I kinda like this ad. and I kinda hate it. all at the same time.

Good = the song is pretty awesome. We understand that it's sooo hot. And it's super cool that the pool looks like a court. like superawesomecool.

Bad = Good lord, all I can think of when those guys fall into the basketpool is the feeling of bare skin skidding on hot-as-hell concrete. It burns us! aaaaargh. especially when their shirts billow up, exposing bare skin. aaaaaaargh.

Also - Everytime someone jumps in they have to stay underwater to maintain the above land illusion of a basketball court. I'm just sayin'.

This though, is what every sprite commercial should be like. It's brilliant. (Tip O' Hat to EG)
Let's face it. if this happened to you, you would react in exactly the same way. It's terrifying!That freakin' sun just jumped off the label..AAAARRRGGHH!

Somebody needs to vent

2008-06-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

and that somebody is me.

That Coors light "vent" commercial (which I can't find anywhere online) is possibly the worst thing in the world. It's only redeeming quality is that the friend the guy goes to visit is U-turn from Weeds. That made me really excited, until I realized that that's what happens to old characters on TV shows. They die slow deaths on horrrrible Coors light commercials.

I hate all the implications of this ad. Guy in horrible tv-watching relationship with girl. Guy misrepresenting situation to get out of hanging out with girl. Guy yelling random bullshit to other guy thereby making fun of misrepresentation. Guy continuing to misrepresent situation. I. hate. them. all.

Besides, as my friend BD pointed out:
I'm no physics major
But that doesn't look like a vent in the traditional sense
It looks more like a decorative vane or racing stripe

let's hope U-Turn can get his career going after this. He was doing so good too...

Uglier Friends

2008-06-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

I love this ad. Everything about it is great. The way the son is poking around his plate. The look of pure disdain on the girls face. The dads tie. it all works people. (incidentally - why is the dad wearing a tie? isn't that the first thing you take off when you walk in the door? maybe he works the night shift and he's on his way out..huh)

The dad's last line: "maybe you should have uglier friends" could easily have been super creepy..like if it was delivered the same way as the kid's line... but it's so matter of fact it's beautiful.

The clincher for me, though, is the mom's expression at the end.

Donkey Kong World

2008-06-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

So you live in a world where, while you are driving, in a seemingly barren and desolate landscape, and you were to suddenly encounter TWO GIANT SWINGING ANVILS -- don't fret. This truck has the stopping and accelarating power to get you out of that particular jam. However, apparently, this SUV does not possess any sort of steering mechanism to allow you to operate in any sort of third dimension, in terms of movement. In essesense, it's the ideal truck for a Donkey Kong world. Now go save that princess.

Oh, and PS: what's with calling the truck a Tundra, and then filming in a hot desert?